church

this morning i attended church for the first time in 6 months…didn’t even realize that fact until this morning. i found myself feeling guilty, sad, a little ticked that i was feeling guilty and sad, happy to be back, peaceful and completely emotional about the whole thing. i was so happy to see my friends (who incidentally welcomed me back with open arms regardless of the time i had missed). what’s the problem you ask? the problem is that i worry that i over analyze at times and that being there after being someone very much involved and missing so much time made me feel like a hypocrite (i painted for the kids, was part of the welcome team and played in the band). why did i feel like a hypocrite? because i got burned out on church with everything i was doing (i’m a big girl and could’ve said no anytime) and i was holding a grudge against my church. isn’t that like holding a grudge against God? actually, writing it now makes me laugh at myself. i felt pretty good in general about going again and will be back next sunday i’m sure. what’s bothering me about this is that i ask myself if i’m looking for religion to “fix” something and put my faith in Him and i’m not sure i completely surrender to that…am i full of bulls%#$? or did i lose you at 6 months? i know there are lots of you out there that are more knowledgeable and comfortable with religion ( i still consider myself a religion newbie) and would be curious to hear what you think or tell me to stop whining and don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

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